I am puke
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
