Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
