I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
God, I missed his penis.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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