You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
My first STD was from a foam party
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
