God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
