the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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