who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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