you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
