That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
