Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
