Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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