Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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