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Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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