handjob tips. give me some.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
