he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
