i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
