Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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