Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
