the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
