yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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