Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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