he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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