So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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