So drunk its hurt
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
