i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
