I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just want to make out with him forever
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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