i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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