remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You're like the curious george of whores
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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