After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
