he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
