Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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