Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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