omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
