Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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