all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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