im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
