Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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