my soul wont recognize me after tonight
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
