They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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