who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
me + whiskey = a bad person
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
