He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
