My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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