we're chasing vodka with high fives
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
