you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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