somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
