Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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