I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
