I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
