Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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