I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Less talking, more tequila
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
