I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
