Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
