I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
