I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Can I color on your dick again?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
