we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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