he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You were trust falling into bushes
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
