i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Randomize
